Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Challenges in Marriage

No two people will ever get along 100% of the time. There will always be moments of disagreement and frustration. The key is in how to face these moments. Marriage is about compromise and giving on oneself. If someone is entering marriage thinking they are going to change the other person, they are right. They will change their spouse into a someone who can't stand to be around them anymore. We do not marry to change others, we marry because we love who they are, faults and all.
We give to take. When challenges arise and need to be met, each member of the family will have a different idea of how to face it. All ideas are good, but when put together are better. But this, I mean that a bit is taken from each plan and used in it's best combination to solve the issue at hand. Each person will change with time, but it is best to change for a person if it betters you both, not just to appease your spouse. 
It has been proven:
  • a couple about to divorce when asked will answer they are not being satisfied and that their are 10 levels of dissatisfaction.  
  • a couple living happily and strong when asked will answer they are very satisfied and have 10 levels of differences.
Differences are good things, they are the miracles of life. We marry to share in differences and to bring the best of each other out, not to change them into another version of ourselves or the person we wish them to be. If we encourage and promote, we will find ourselves happier than ever, differences and all. 

Monday, October 17, 2011

From 3 "P"s to 3 new "P"s

Long before a couple gets married, they date. But what makes dating different from hanging out? The three dating "P"s: Planned, Pay for, and Pair off. This means the boy asks a girl out, one on one. He has the date planned and is ready to pay for the girl. Though there are many young men who would make complaints about the boy being obligated to pay for the young lady, it is an important practice for when he becomes a husband and will be taking care of a wife and children.
It is the duty and obligation of the father to follow three more "P"s: Preside, Provide, Protect. In these, it is the duty of a father to preside over the family, see to it that the family is holding together and living righteously. As a man of employment, it is the duty of the father to provide for his family when ever possible in all means, physical and spiritual. And at last, it is his duty to protect his family at all costs.

There are many parallels between the two sets of "P"s. Plan-Preside, Pay for-Provide, Pair off-Protect.
As a youth, a young man planning a date is like unto a father presiding over his family; he is taking initiative and giving order to an event. He is taking control and does his best to create a night that will bring joy to his date and will allow them to keep their integrity.
As a young man takes a young lady out, he is prepared to pay for her, he is providing for her that she might be at ease.
As a young couple who is pairing off, the young lady has become the young man's responsibility for the evening. He must protect her, both physically in the incident that something tragic occurs, but also morally and spiritually, not allowing anything to happen to her that would degrade her.

Dating is prepping for marriage, it is very important to see these parallels and to act upon them. To let these opportunities slide, is to prepare for an uncertain and unpredictable future.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Gender Roles and The Famiy

The Family: A Proclamation to the World "Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose. ... By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners."

In the family there are many different roles that are played by the mother, father or both. These roles primarily consist of: protector, provider, peacemaker, and nurturer.
Fathers are generally the protectors and providers by divine design. However there are times such as death or a long absents where the mother, a relative, or even a child will have to step up to the plate. 
Mothers are generally the peacemakers and the nurturer by their part in the great plan. Though there are many instances where the mother is absent and then those position are then filled by the father, a child or another family member.  

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Culture and Diversity

Everyone is different and everyone has their own unique culture.
When a man and woman come together in matrimony, they often forget that they are not just marrying the person across the alter, but all that that person is. Their family, their history, their crazy ideas, everything.
One's culture comes from many aspects, the first being the country. The country in which someone lives affects them how they think and how they interact and how that person might see someone else. The second part that makes up a person's culture is where in that country they live in, what their community is like. Someone from a poor community will most likely see the world a differently way than someone from a rich community. And with in those communities are many families who each have their own sub culture.
It is very important to know who your partner is and what his/her culture is like. All to often a situation will arise where one person will react according to their culture but the response may be considered questionable by another. An example of this can be found in disciplinary actions. To one family, a parent may spank a child who is being unruly, while another family the parents will set the child in the corner and then talk to them about what they did and explain why they are being punished.
It is important to know where you and others lie and work together knowing you can never change a person or their culture, only do your best to understand and work together to find a middle-ground to stand stand and inevitably, creating a new culture to raise children in.     

Monday, October 3, 2011

Lines within the Family

Families are a knot of strings. Some tie people together and some hold people apart.
The best way to visualize this is to imagine a house with a fence around it. 

The typical white picket fence is the normal, healthy boundary that lies between the family members.  This fence shows a clear deviation between the yard and the road, but still allows for visitors to come and feel welcome.

The wall of stone around the yard is an example of a ridged boundary, one where no one is allowed in or out. Hidden behind this wall, a member of the family separates himself from the rest of the family and will not let anyone into their mind or train of thought. These members of the family are very exclusive and can be very protective of him/herself as well as those in the family.    

The lack of a wall around the yard shows the lack of any boundary. In this, there is no structure to the family and the members though do have a bonding, have no means of stability.