Monday, November 21, 2011

Money Management

Problems in money management has been the leading cause for divorce.
A couple who does not talk about the money and ask the questions such as: what are our plans? are we gong to use a retirement plan? are we making a budget? what is on the budget? etc. are more likely to argue about the money and how it is being spent. It is because of this that when the couple goes into debt, blame and frustration always arise and the couple is unable to think clearly about the situation nor are they able to think clearly about their spouse.
Communication and planning are very important, but sticking to that plan is even more important. When a plan is made but one or both partners betray it, blame and arguments arise. The sense of betrayal creates a deep wound and takes along time and much work to fix the damage done, though the memory will never leave.
Mind that it may be very hard to make and keep a budget, but it is very much worth it.

Friday, November 18, 2011

Together as One

Communication is key in all relationships, especially in marriage.
Note, there are many different forms of communication and several of them get the same message across, but that does not mean talk speech from the list, if anything add more. There is little way to misinterpret a string of communication when two people are fully committed to that discussion, listening, looking and speaking with one another and confirming their understanding.

When communication is not clear, there tends to be a resentment forming; one partner is resentful for they feel misunderstood all the time, or ignored. The other partner is resentful because they do not understand what is being asked of them.

Talk to your partner and if needed ask again and restate in different terms as to not fumble the message and bring your partner and yourself together again.

Monday, November 14, 2011

turning bad into good

what makes an experience bad or good?
there are three things that make an experience:

A=actual event
B=behavioral response(s)
C=cognition(s)

there is very little we can do about the actual event once it has occurred, we can change how we respond. 
Once we change our response, we naturally change our cognition. It is the initial reaction that causes for a situation to be considered "learned from" vs "damaging memory".

An example of this is when my younger brother flooded the bathroom. He did not mean to, but it still caused quite a bit of damage to the floor. My parents' reactions were not that of calm understanding. Having had a long tiring day, they did not want to have to deal with a flooded toilet and so were very upset with my brother. He felt unneeded shame for our parents were not willing to stop and breathe; had they done so, the flooded toilet might not have been so bad.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

What Guys and Girls are Oblivious to!!!

When two people are getting ready to get married and they hear the word intimacy, they generally think of one thing, sex. But this is not all that intimacy is; intimacy is emotional, feeling: understood, loved, and able to rely upon your spouse throughout all times and trials.

Men and women come to experience intimacy differently:
Girls – emotional -> safe -> sex
                Girls feel with their emotions and only after they feel safe and secure in their spouse will they be willing to consent to having sex.
Boys – sex -> emotional
                Boys feel with their sense of touch and prefer to have sex as a way of obtaining an emotional connection his wife.

There are generally four stages in intimacy:
1.       Excitement
2.       Plateau
3.       Orgasm
4.       Retraction

These stages have different time lengths for guys and girls.
A guy will have a fairly short excitement zone, a very short plateau before a high orgasm and will have a very long retraction period to recover from his burst of testosterone.
A girl on the other hand, will have a stead excitement zone (about twice as long as a guy’s but ranges from girl to girl), a fairly long plateau (may have many ups and downs) and can have multiple orgasms before a much smaller retraction period.  

It is because of this difference in set up that many couples feel as though all they do is give and their spouse is never satisfied, or that they are giving, but are never satisfied themselves.  One thing that happens most often is that a couple will start to fight and will stop having sex. This is most damaging. It is extremely important that no matter what, the couple need to keep their intimacy strong, that their hearts might remain as one.

1 Corinthians 7:1-7