Saturday, December 3, 2011

How We React as Parents

There are three types of parents: autocratic, permissive, and active.
The autocratic parent is authoritarian - direct, pressure, do it my way or else, few to no choices, high demand-no communicate, high want-no love, child set to fail.
The permissive parent is permissive - the child walks over the parents, high love-no responsibility, friend vs. parents.
The active parent is authoritative - structure with love.

Parents, depending upon what type of parent they are, react to problems differently. 
The autocratic parent generally reacts harshly or not at all, thinking that the child needs to learn their lesson; whether that is by punishing or letting the consequence fall upon them.
The permissive parent generally lets the problem slide or will only give light words of warning, but will not do much to prevent the situation from happening again.
The active parent will generally analyze the situation and then decide how to react.
 
When a problem arises,  it is important for parents to ask “who will be affected the most?” “who is motivated by it?” “how can I solve this problem so that it will not affect … the most and so that the right lesson is learned?”
If the problem is the child's, it is important for the parents to let the child learn their lesson from the experience and be a support through it.
If the problem is the parent's, the parent must analyze the situation and decide whether the situation requires a more-structured response, or a less-structured response.

More-structured:  
Logical consequence
FLAC Method
Less-structured:
Polite request
“I” messages
Firm directions

There are three instances where the problem is the child's but it is the duty of the parents to interfere, these are when the child is in DANGER!!!!, the lesson they will learn is too far off in the future for it to mean anything and when the end result of the problem affects someone else.

It is important to make the children responsible for what they do and to have them learn the lessons that will keep them from making those same mistakes again, without traumatizing them. 
 

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