Money Management

Problems in money management has been the leading cause for divorce.
A couple who does not talk about the money and ask the questions such as: what are our plans? are we gong to use a retirement plan? are we making a budget? what is on the budget? etc. are more likely to argue about the money and how it is being spent. It is because of this that when the couple goes into debt, blame and frustration always arise and the couple is unable to think clearly about the situation nor are they able to think clearly about their spouse.
Communication and planning are very important, but sticking to that plan is even more important. When a plan is made but one or both partners betray it, blame and arguments arise. The sense of betrayal creates a deep wound and takes along time and much work to fix the damage done, though the memory will never leave.
Mind that it may be very hard to make and keep a budget, but it is very much worth it.

Together as One

Communication is key in all relationships, especially in marriage.
Note, there are many different forms of communication and several of them get the same message across, but that does not mean talk speech from the list, if anything add more. There is little way to misinterpret a string of communication when two people are fully committed to that discussion, listening, looking and speaking with one another and confirming their understanding.

When communication is not clear, there tends to be a resentment forming; one partner is resentful for they feel misunderstood all the time, or ignored. The other partner is resentful because they do not understand what is being asked of them.

Talk to your partner and if needed ask again and restate in different terms as to not fumble the message and bring your partner and yourself together again.

turning bad into good

what makes an experience bad or good?
there are three things that make an experience:

A=actual event

B=behavioral response(s)

C=cognition(s)

there is very little we can do about the actual event once it has occurred, we can change how we respond. 
Once we change our response, we naturally change our cognition. It is the initial reaction that causes for a situation to be considered "learned from" vs "damaging memory".

An example of this is when my younger brother flooded the bathroom. He did not mean to, but it still caused quite a bit of damage to the floor. My parents' reactions were not that of calm understanding. Having had a long tiring day, they did not want to have to deal with a flooded toilet and so were very upset with my brother. He felt unneeded shame for our parents were not willing to stop and breathe; had they done so, the flooded toilet might not have been so bad.

What Guys and Girls are Oblivious to!!!

When two people are getting ready to get married and they hear the word intimacy, they generally think of one thing, sex. But this is not all that intimacy is; intimacy is emotional, feeling: understood, loved, and able to rely upon your spouse throughout all times and trials.

Men and women come to experience intimacy differently:

Girls – emotional -> safe -> sex

                Girls feel with their emotions and only after they feel safe and secure in their spouse will they be willing to consent to having sex.

Boys – sex -> emotional

                Boys feel with their sense of touch and prefer to have sex as a way of obtaining an emotional connection his wife.

There are generally four stages in intimacy:

1.       Excitement

2.       Plateau

3.       Orgasm

4.       Retraction

These stages have different time lengths for guys and girls.

A guy will have a fairly short excitement zone, a very short plateau before a high orgasm and will have a very long retraction period to recover from his burst of testosterone.

A girl on the other hand, will have a stead excitement zone (about twice as long as a guy’s but ranges from girl to girl), a fairly long plateau (may have many ups and downs) and can have multiple orgasms before a much smaller retraction period.  

It is because of this difference in set up that many couples feel as though all they do is give and their spouse is never satisfied, or that they are giving, but are never satisfied themselves.  One thing that happens most often is that a couple will start to fight and will stop having sex. This is most damaging. It is extremely important that no matter what, the couple need to keep their intimacy strong, that their hearts might remain as one.

1 Corinthians 7:1-7

Challenges in Marriage

No two people will ever get along 100% of the time. There will always be moments of disagreement and frustration. The key is in how to face these moments. Marriage is about compromise and giving on oneself. If someone is entering marriage thinking they are going to change the other person, they are right. They will change their spouse into a someone who can't stand to be around them anymore. We do not marry to change others, we marry because we love who they are, faults and all.
We give to take. When challenges arise and need to be met, each member of the family will have a different idea of how to face it. All ideas are good, but when put together are better. But this, I mean that a bit is taken from each plan and used in it's best combination to solve the issue at hand. Each person will change with time, but it is best to change for a person if it betters you both, not just to appease your spouse. 
It has been proven:

• a couple about to divorce when asked will answer they are not being satisfied and that their are 10 levels of dissatisfaction.  
• a couple living happily and strong when asked will answer they are very satisfied and have 10 levels of differences.

Differences are good things, they are the miracles of life. We marry to share in differences and to bring the best of each other out, not to change them into another version of ourselves or the person we wish them to be. If we encourage and promote, we will find ourselves happier than ever, differences and all. 

From 3 "P"s to 3 new "P"s

Long before a couple gets married, they date. But what makes dating different from hanging out? The three dating "P"s: Planned, Pay for, and Pair off. This means the boy asks a girl out, one on one. He has the date planned and is ready to pay for the girl. Though there are many young men who would make complaints about the boy being obligated to pay for the young lady, it is an important practice for when he becomes a husband and will be taking care of a wife and children.
It is the duty and obligation of the father to follow three more "P"s: Preside, Provide, Protect. In these, it is the duty of a father to preside over the family, see to it that the family is holding together and living righteously. As a man of employment, it is the duty of the father to provide for his family when ever possible in all means, physical and spiritual. And at last, it is his duty to protect his family at all costs.

There are many parallels between the two sets of "P"s. Plan-Preside, Pay for-Provide, Pair off-Protect.
As a youth, a young man planning a date is like unto a father presiding over his family; he is taking initiative and giving order to an event. He is taking control and does his best to create a night that will bring joy to his date and will allow them to keep their integrity.
As a young man takes a young lady out, he is prepared to pay for her, he is providing for her that she might be at ease.
As a young couple who is pairing off, the young lady has become the young man's responsibility for the evening. He must protect her, both physically in the incident that something tragic occurs, but also morally and spiritually, not allowing anything to happen to her that would degrade her.

Dating is prepping for marriage, it is very important to see these parallels and to act upon them. To let these opportunities slide, is to prepare for an uncertain and unpredictable future.

Gender Roles and The Famiy

The Family: A Proclamation to the World "Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose. ... By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners."

In the family there are many different roles that are played by the mother, father or both. These roles primarily consist of: protector, provider, peacemaker, and nurturer.

Fathers are generally the protectors and providers by divine design. However there are times such as death or a long absents where the mother, a relative, or even a child will have to step up to the plate. 

Mothers are generally the peacemakers and the nurturer by their part in the great plan. Though there are many instances where the mother is absent and then those position are then filled by the father, a child or another family member.